Thursday, June 12, 2008

My golf and boat problem has been answered

I like boats. I don't like golf. I've already blogged about this. I said that I wouldn't play golf unless they somehow managed to build a golf course on a boat.

Well, they did. This is a picture of the S.S. Tiger Woods. That's right, Tiger Woods has made so much money that he was able to purchase an aircraft carrier, design a golf course and build his golf course on his aircraft carrier. Mr. Woods, I applaud your enthusiasm for boats. You are truly a visionary in the boat golfing community. People right now are seeing this picture and literally falling off boats in amazement. It's a boat miracle. If I could, I would give you a gold medal. On that medal would be a picture of a boat. And under that boat it would say "Tiger Woods is a boating bad ass."

I cant waste my money on medals though, cause I have to save that money for more boats and boating insurance. Oh, and I have to save up money for one of my boating related lawsuits. PETA is suing me for bludgeoning a dolphin to death with my seven iron. They say I shouldn't have flogged the dolphin with my club, but I say, if you're gonna squeak like a dog toy stuck under a jackhammer, you are gonna eat PING ZING. Suck on that Flipper!

And I might have also thrown my putter at a Coast Guard employee. But, come on, that's not even a crime in most states now. My love of boats knows no bounds, but even I wouldn't join the coast guard. That's the equivalent of being an unemployed clown when the circus is in town. It's just embarrassing. Boating embarrassing.

Tiger, all I can give you is a hearty salute and an invitation to my annual "Captain Club" dinner. It's on one of my yachts called "It's no a U-Boat, it's a We-Boat." I expect to see you there Captain Woods. Wear your green jacket.

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