Friday, June 20, 2008

Boat Jokes

I'm a big boat advocate.

My wife Carol and I are having, in terms of nautical lingo, "a squall." My wife, she's kinda uppity, even for someone who's uppity. Even uppity people think she's uppity. And the most uppity people just think she's a bitch. Uppity boaters refer to her as an anchor. I thought that was just a figure of speech until my uppity friend threw her off my boat The Los Angeles Police Department. We had a pretty good laugh about it until the Coast Guard got there and they had to fish her out of the reef. Those guys at the Coast Guard wouldn't know a good joke if it dodged military service, shamed their father who was in the Navy and reported directly to their funny bone. They give boats a bad name.

I got this joke:

Knock Knock. Who's there? My wife Carol. My wife Carol who? Yep, she's in the reef again.

They never laugh at that one. They always get all uppity, more uppity than Carol and they yell "This is battery!' And then I yell back "No, that's Carol."

Geez, with all the times I had to call them, they should know that by now.

Apparently, the court system does not have a sense of humor, either. They threatened to take my boating license away if they had one more complaint from the Coast Guard. Damn Coast Guard. They truly are the Bendict Arnold of boating society.

She can swim. That's what makes it funny. If she couldn't swim, that's what would make it a crime. You know what else is a crime? Taking my boat away. That would be a crime against humanity. That would also be a crime against boats.

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