Friday, June 6, 2008

Boating accidents brought to you by Bill Dance

I like boats. I don't like fishing that much. I do however enjoy people falling off boats. Some would argue that falling off boats or boat related injuries are not funny. Those people would be wrong. Throughout the years fishing has made for some of the all-time great boating bloopers and no one has been more blooper blessed than Bill Dance. Bill has a boat. Bill has a boatload of boat bloopers. Bill may also have some sort of mental issue, but more importantly he has a boat. Here are Bill's top 10 fishing moments with narration by Sir Boats-A-Lot

10. Colorado blades are an important part of any outboard motor with Colorado blades. I personally like them more than Oklahoma blades and the ever dangerous Nevada sling blade. (notice Bill's boat)

9. Call the boat doctor Bill has caught himself a nose.

8. Bill seems to go through a lot of fishing poles by way of slamming them in truck doors, getting them caught in ceiling fans and just generally not paying attention to anything except boating and fishing. It's safe to say NASA won't be calling Bill, even if they find fish on Mars.

7. Bill Dance has probably gone through about $100,000 worth of camera equipment over the years. Dropping them off of his boat and into some of the United States most popular lakes and rivers over his career. So remember, wherever there's a boat, Bill Dance has probably ruined a $5000 camera there.

6. Rule #1 when launching a boat - have somebody in it. Unless it's one of those boats with Knight Rider capabilities, which if it does, you probably have much bigger problems then launching your boat with no one in it.

5. You'd think if you launched boats for, I dunno, everyday for the last 30 years that you would remember to take the straps off when launching your boat. Of course after the 80th time something like this happened, you'd also think you would get a new crew that knew what the hell was going on. You my friend, would be wrong on both accounts.

4. Boats and snakes haven't gone together since Noah invited them onto the most important boat in history. Bill doesn't captain an Ark, but he certainly has a lot of run-ins with snakes on his boat.

3. Bill's a boater and a fisherman. He is not a construction worker and not on the city zoning board. With that said, one could see how this might happen.

2. The key to boating success is being prepared when boating. Essentials to being well prepared are life preservers, coolers, cold beer, an extra battery and not moving the boat when on-loading. If boating with Bill, it's essential to put on the life preserver as soon as you wake-up in the morning.

1. Boat maintenance is the most important part of being a good boat owner. Boats are the most essential part of life, therefore, one must take every precaution to ensure that he or she's boat is always handled with the utmost care.

1 comment:

Matt said...

Man, that Bill Dance... he always knows how to brighten up my day.